The Business of Belonging
The Currency of Courage in Human Connection
Most of us will not remember when we first learnt to walk; if you are someone who does have a vivid memory of the moment you found yourself take those first little steps all on your own, that’s special, keep that memory close to you :) I’m certainly part of the majority that does not have any memory of that moment, nevertheless I do remember what followed next and for years after — the feeling that first steps leave in your body. It starts off with exhilaration, that momentary rush of dopamine that runs through your spine that helps you take one step after another. Soon there is fear that begins to tingle at your heels, the adrenalin flowing into your blood questioning whether you’ll land straight up the next time you raise your foot. That’s the moment of truth — your decision to take the next step even if that would result in you falling.
I’ve gone far beyond the years of taking my first ever steps as a baby. I’d like to believe I might still be far from taking my last, but it’s been a journey of taking many firsts, new paths to explore, and beginnings to build. And each time, crossing the threshold required equal parts dopamine and adrenalin. You’re wondering where am I going with all this hormone talk. Of course the mind controls our actions and our thoughts, but the body and the memories that each of your muscles carry are equally, if not more active than we are made to believe.
According to research from the University of Leicester, an average person makes 35000 decisions in a day. Most of these are not those driven by logic or what Daniel Kahneman calls System 2 thinking. Reading his book, Thinking Fast and Slow, and about his experiments in cognitive biases — the unconscious errors of reasoning that distort our judgment of the world, has been pivotal and has completely changed the way I make decisions, in work and in life. It gave me the structure and understanding to acknowledge the decisions already embedded in my body through the years, to listen to the twitch and tingle of muscles, and use it as a valid driver for the choices I make.
One of these twitches is that of knowing where the body belongs and as an extension, your mind and your whole self. Ever so often we’re forced to break ourselves into parts where each might belong, it’s super rare to be able to bring your true, whole self always and everywhere. I consider myself extremely lucky and am ever so grateful to have had the opportunity to bring all my selves to work, with friends and family, and to my chosen partner. This feeling of belonging in entirety, is what I consider to be truly empowering.
This business of belonging is unfortunately not in our control alone. It is based on an exchange between people for which the currency is courage. For one, the courage to be vulnerable — to show where you fall short as much as where you excel, and for another, the courage to stumble — to accept the possibility of failure as much as success. However, for neither the exchange is necessarily a given, it is a choice.
Everything from where you choose to live to the place you pick for work or play, all rely on people to define them. An organisation’s values articulated as words mean nothing if the people that action those words don’t believe in them. When the people you work alongside make way for the exchange of belonging, you feel it in your body, and not just your mind.
Being witness to the value someone ascribes to the hours of being you in this exchange — that’s when you believe you belong, the whole you.
